"Ok...so THIS year we are gonna go to bed at a decent hour, wake up early, get started and wrap up school so we can PLAY!"
Yup, those were MY words...I like Charlotte Mason's philosophy of learning and free time...I want to implement it more in my day...I want to get school DONE! The latter is what it really boils down to. I want to check "their"...really "my"...boxes of tasks and be DONE! Efficient, no lallygagging around...wham-bam get it DONE!
Oh, how I am humbled...every year...about this time...
I have a plan... I am on a mission... I will not deviate.
Until. I. fail. first.
I wake up late...Physically, I have not...but emotionally I have not prepared myself this year. I am the tardy one. O grace to start over.
This year has been a doozy of a year - a consuming summer... there has been much unrest. Deep, life altering unrest. My mind and my heart have been over "there"...with my friend battling cancer...with my "sista from a different mother" choosing a different path...with the hardship of a legal battle...no rest. No time to prep and relish in the fun of preparing for a new school year.
But the school year is HERE. Like yesterday...tomorrow. I have started and we have had good days. So far I like the curriculum I have selected (in a fog)...God always does this for me. Every year I am amazed at how timely the things we are learning about criss-cross with some life happening. Providence. Regardless of my fog and lack of having pre-prepared, I am confident we will have a year of good learning.
Where I am "late" and "failing" is in my surrender.
Giving God my year. Giving God my children. Giving God my heart. Giving God my goals. Giving God my agenda. Giving God my planner. Giving God my boxes to check.
Allowing Him to direct my days. Allowing Him to work in my children. Allowing Him to change my anxious, consumed heart. Allowing Him to rewrite my goals. Allowing Him to direct our days.
To go where His Spirit leads.
I know this because I caught myself today becoming furious because my children could not tell me the "history of England"! Really?!?!! I didn't know the "history of England" until 2 days ago...and I am getting wound up they can't repeat it back verbatim? Oh that God would extend grace through my children.
So I am here - pondering my day. And realizing that I am late for school. I am not prepared. My eyes are off my Teacher. How can I teach them if I am not learning myself. Which leads me to a beautiful, providential criss-cross. This week we have been studying and memorizing 2 Timothy 3:16-17...say it with me...
"All Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness. So that the man of God might be competent, equipped for every good work."
2 Timothy 3:16-17
I was discussing with my kids the reality and the power that Scripture can have in our lives if we allow it to penetrate. I was corrected in that moment and reminded that God has spoken and is speaking. Am I listening? Or am I allowing myself to be consumed. I am in training and I must allow God to speak His ways into my life. I desire to be equipped for good works...so I must allow His words into my heart and mind. That the things of this world would fade away...and I would be left with Him. Him alone. My sustainer. My very breath.
So in that moment my "expectations" dissipated...because who are we kidding - they were unreasonable...and I had to come to a place of surrender. A place of preparing my heart to once again take on this calling of educating my children. Because we can get it DONE...but it doesn't do us any good if it never challenges and molds our hearts and bends us towards Him.
DONE can't be my goal. Jesus has to be my goal.
Showing my children Jesus in the midst of gaining knowledge is what brings lasting wisdom. That is really the only box I want to "check" this year.
"So we will go to bed at a decent hour, wake up early, get started and see how Jesus reveals Himself to us today."
Oh, how I love (this is a difficult word to type...but I know it is good for me...) being taught...reproofed...corrected and trained.
Especially by a gently Teacher.
(that I need to mimic a little better...)
Share with me your "back to school" struggles and victories!